grandma shit on top of the toilet
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He? As in you personified your dick?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize