Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
