I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
