A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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