she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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