I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
