I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
