you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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