It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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