what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
