just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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