When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
