You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sobbing to NWA
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
