he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
