Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
