You're my little dorito
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What a dumb baby whore.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
