Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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