Bisexual people are plain selfish.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize