Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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