Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
