I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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