Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
