well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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