im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
