Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
