I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
