just tell him i said nine months
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
