Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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