This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
