my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
