when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
