U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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