mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
