I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
