im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
