And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
