You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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