Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
