Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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