so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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