Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
