What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
