I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
