How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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