Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
