don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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