When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
