Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
