Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
