Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
