So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
