Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
