i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
