Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
