I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
