I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
there was a trapeze. enough said
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
