This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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