i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
