Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
