i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
