on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
