nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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