i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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