if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
