I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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