i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
