i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
